Anonymous said: When I was 14, I had a 25 year old groom me online and have sexual roleplays with him, and he constantly manipulated me and made me feel guilty when I didn't want to. Ever since, I keep gravitating towards older men in an unhealthy way. I'm not a minor anymore, but I still feel like I'm setting myself up to be taken advantage of. I have never admitted this to anybody, but I'm so disturbed, I don't want to keep falling for men like my abuser and men who would go after much younger girls.
Anon, I’m really sorry that happened to you, that’s a tough situation, and I can understand the need to gravitate towards familiar relationship patterns, even if they are unhealthy or downright abusive.
My best advice to you is not to put yourself in contact with men more than 2-3 years older than you. Relationships can only happen with people you meet or know. So, try to surround yourself with friends close to your own age, of all genders, and try to keep your frequented social venues those that cater to people close to your age. If you’re in college, try to get involved on campus exclusively. If you’re working, keep your relationships with older people strictly professional.
There is only so much you can do, because at the end of the day, you cannot control the actions of a potential abuser, and it’s not your responsibility to do so, but you said you want to break out of this habit of gravitating towards older men, and my opinion is that the best way to do that is to not have any older men around you to gravitate towards.
- yochevedke (formerly blogsfeme)